Just because you can eat it

Disasterous Dinners and Debauchery

Sun, 18 May 2008 02:56:22 GMT

Note to self... 60 mentally challenged adults in a karaoke restaurant is about as good of an idea as a bald speaker at a Tourettes convention.

The first hour was funny... the next two the restaurant held us captive were excruciating. I fantasized about shoving ice picks in my ears. No amount of alcohol helped. I finally barricaded myself in the bathroom while we waited for the check.

Wine tasting was lovely... and while we couldn't do it by camel back due to the HAIL, we managed to find a knowledgeable escort who toted our drunk asses around by van, showing us jewels of wineries buried within McLaren Vale valley. Australia has BY FAR some of the best reds I have ever had in my lifetime. Going to try to smuggle a bottle back with me...

Ass dragging in Adelaide

Thu, 15 May 2008 21:06:26 GMT

Flew into AU yesterday to visit an old friend. The flight felt longer than anything I have ever had to endure in my life, including my life. Sleep for me on a plane is near impossible, so my ass was dragging all of yesterday up until 15 mins before my goal time of unconsciousness... 8pm. A first for me... I am never asleep before the clock strikes midnight (reverse Cinderella syndrome). But let me just share some observations my addled little brain was able to squeak out before it completely fell out. Adelaide... could be the states, really, except everyone talks funny and drives like a NY taxi driver - fucking terrifying. Oh, and they have dog food called "Chum". Once I recovered from my fit of hysterics at the grocery store (much to the distaste of the "locals"), I fought the strong desire to purchase a can as a future dust collector on my shelf. I am bringing back all of the weird candy, or "lollies", I can find, and some Vegemite for a drastically mislead friend (you know who you are - tastes like vomit)... any other requests?

More to come... stay tuned for more adventures from Adelaide...

OK... follow up

Tue, 13 May 2008 15:12:52 GMT

Remember my "why is it so difficult" post? Uh... never mind. *grin*

Hot, and like-minded ... intelligent, sarcastic with a healthy touch of the wicked, and filthy, filthy, filthy. To all those claiming I was looking for a unicorn... it seems to be grazing in my back yard.

I've been told I think like a man, and more recently, like a gay man (fickle as fuck)... but I could stand this for a while. I know there isn't a third arm anywhere, but, Dear God... fingers crossed there aren't dead bodies in his cellar (unless, of course, he purchased them from the Bone Room), he doesn't get hit by a bus, and his gf doesn't boil my cat.

Off to AU to hunt wallabies. And perhaps, more unicorns...

Yes, I know, insatiable. *wide grin*

Silently speaking

Thu, 08 May 2008 22:33:26 GMT

The nasal tonality, the obscenity of squeaks and grunts, all distract and derail. I had no idea how much until last night. The clarity that emerges in silence is like a puff of air to the strangled. Thank you Eli.

Meet Sir Grimme Elegante - the Elegant Bronzeback Snake

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 01:58:15 GMT

OK, so these aren't pictures of him, exactly, but they are almost perfect likenesses.

Got him yesterday from the vivarium with Peter. Peter got a scorpion he named Nicolai Tesla. They sold Grimme to me not apparently knowing how venomous he might be, but at a discount for the inconvenience... for the possibility of infection, paralysis, or sudden death. Didn't deter me though... nope. Never, and I mean NEVER underestimate the power of cute. I stared at him all last night... I am in love.

GRIMME IS MADE OF CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cutest damned snake ever... in the history of snakes...
EVER.
I don't think you understand Grimme's powers...
Beware his powers of cute or you will be in love too...
Maybe wear some protective lenses or something...
Viewing with the naked eye is inadvisable, otherwise you will be transfixed, uttering tiny squeals of joy, for an eternity.
He is WAY more cute in person, but picture-viewing holds far less danger of the dreaded catatonic luv stare.
If you ever meet Grimme... you'll know... YOU'LL KNOW.

No worries, after conducting a bit of my own research, I now know him to be harmless to humans, unless you happen to be a wee tree froggie. He is an Elegant Bronzeback - a Malaysian rainforest tree snake. He eats lizards and frogs. He is frigging CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's just not fair

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:59:56 GMT

...not any of it. Why can't I find balance? Why must there always and eternally be something seriously lacking? When can I feel confident I am not the ongoing target of some cruel puppeteer's jape? I am pursuing the things that bring me life, I am. I am trying to grasp the reins of my existence more tightly. But obstacle upon obstacle bring me right back to that defeated and weary state, and it is so difficult to navigate out of that sense of persecution.

Just a little sunlight, please, for a bit longer than the life-cycle of a gnat...

Thanks.

As she looked upon her empty grasp...

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:46:24 GMT

It is the nest of seething termites quietly chewing.
It is the mass of cracks in the foundation.
It is the snarl of roots underground, silently straining.

It is the insatiable worm ever burrowing.
It is the hoard of aphids on the stem.
It is the relentless beetle, boring through the bud.

It is the cancerous cell efficiently dividing.
It is the asbestos leaching from the wall.
It is the toxic drip, drip, drip of the pipe into a stream.

Words unspoken are the only words I know to be true.
Words unspoken are all I can trust from you.

Why is it so difficult?

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 02:00:54 GMT

Why is it so damned difficult, in this town of polyamory, sexual freedom, lust and debauchery to find a cute goth boi to have a no-strings-attached, weekly good-for-the-soul roll-in-the-sheets kind of thing? I ASK WHY?

I have been looking, and looking... am I too picky? I ask he be cute, slightly deviant, reasonably sane, and not afraid of a strong woman. I want witty intelligence, snarky banter, cynicism, and some wickedness. I don't care if he is seeing anyone else, as long as she/they know he's seeing others and won't boil my rabbit in a fit of rage or anything. I ask that he be alright with my current arrangement - my long distance boi is my primary relationship (for lack of a better descriptor, forgive me), and gets my full attention when he's in town. I want nothing complicated, no issues, NO DRAMA. Fun, that's it. That's what I want. WHY CAN'T I FIND THIS?

So I appeal to you... look around, because I apparently have horrible judgment, luck, or what have you. Do you have any friends you feel might fit the bill? Any friends afraid of commitment but wanting physical intimacy? Any friends tired of girls giving them moony eyes and hints for a ring after their first date? Any friends who believe the non-committal girl is just an urban myth?

I seriously don't want anyone who's ego I must continually stroke. If you send me an emotional black hole, I'll register you to the National Bedwetting Association. I've done it before.

You see, I either find the type that hasn't done this sort of thing before, resulting in the inevitable moral crisis, dissolving into a sort of sexual coma... OR, I find the type that is SO ok with this sort of thing his calendar is too full to accept another "weekly appointment". WTF???

There is only so much hair I can pull out before I need a wig.

PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE?

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 04:45:54 GMT

VOTE FOR ME FOR JANUARY'S KITTEN KOFFIN ZOMBIE PINUP! Please go to www.kittenkoffinzombies.com to vote from Feb.3rd - 17th - YOU CAN VOTE EVERY 24HRS! XOXOXOXOXOXOLeEvil Wishes!

I remember when Xmas was fun...

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:51:31 GMT

I remember when Xmas was fun... but now it is a major source of stress. And loneliness. Sitting across the table from my family, I distinctly feel how distanced we have all become, wrapped up in our own trivial lives and no longer able to effectively communicate. Every year the experience becomes more hollow. And the pressure to buy is just disgusting - reducing the value of ones affection from the personal to the monetary. I really am learning to detest this holiday. Bring back Halloween! Damn it!

Some die to live in the other ones graves,
Some live to perish in small lonely waves.
~Fifi LaFall

How has life been lately?

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:41:34 GMT

Weird. Hostile. Ambivalent. Cruel. Ironic. Apathetic. Lonely. Confused. Kinda all wrapped up in a tacky little package and thrown flaming on my doorstep. And how about yours?

Can't fucking wait for the new year.

Warm fuzzy of the day...

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 00:53:24 GMT

Just interviewed a legal secretary who indicated she had her paralegal degree... so when I asked her why she didn't choose that line of work, she hesitated before apologizing to me for my lack of life.

The promise...

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 00:49:56 GMT

Oh, but the waiting is delicious.

Side-long glances at the party,

Fingers briefly, softly, barely touching.

The anticipation catching in my throat.

Turning to meet your gaze from across the room,

Images disguised in a smile.

Feeling naughty...

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 22:56:30 GMT

To smell us with sharpened senses, heavy and softly hanging in the air, surrounding our shifting shape. Shadows as monsters upon the walls. Sweat like treacle. Your moans penetrate me, running in fiery rivulets down my spine and exploding painfully upon the silence. Slut, whore, bitch... each title a bolt strike, swelling, pulsing and radiating within. Press of fingers to my throat, dragging breath, fist of hair, bruised ass... the hard fuck. Sweet, sweet, sweet... candy sweet. Biting, pulling, stinging, choking, clawing, twisting, pinching, writhing bliss. Love through gasping pain, slamming bodies and spitting words. My eloquence through barred teeth.

Ah... a quiet Sunday in the park

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 22:36:48 GMT

This Sunday I completely forgot it was Easter... until my sorry hung-over ass was dragged to Dolores Park for a promised and much needed "mellow" afternoon. LIES! Instead was met with a throng of festively-adorned spectators watching the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence all decked out in their customary bejeweled habits having a "Hunky Jesus" competition with several cross-dragging, be-thorned Jesus' competing for the illustrious title. Bunny ninjas, bunny drag, nun drag, bunny Jesus... two bunny drag queens laying prostrate in front of the winning Hunky Jesus... Did wonders for my hangover - completely forgot I had one. Seriously, at moments such as these, I realize why it is I never want to move. EVER.

I don't get it...

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 05:10:59 GMT

Will somebody please explain Ann Coulter to me? I mean, retarded would be too general of a descriptor. Is there a more specific psychological label which best suits her disorder? I'm already convinced she isn't a woman... but perhaps she isn't human at all. Perhaps she is an automated humanoid gone horribly, horribly wrong... or... perhaps she was created by the Democratic party to further besmirch the Republican visage? YES! THAT'S IT! It is the only explanation that makes any sense! GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I received a petition attempting to muscle her column out of papers across the country, insisting that only continued pressure on Ann Coulter and those who promote and distribute her hate speech will stop her from further poisoning our national debate and teach her the true power of the progressive movement. Oh no, I disagree. Let's get beyond the basic freedom of speech issue (and it's mind-numbing that a liberal human rites organization didn't see their immense hypocrisy in this attempt) and go right to the meat of the matter: no one has the most awesome of powers to teach her anything as she most evidently has no brain matter; attempting to silence her only martyrs her; and letting her prattle on with nonsensical, racial, sexist and generally offensive statements only exposes her idiocy to the world and provides endless entertainment for such as me. LET THE SIDE SHOW SQUEAK, RATTLE AND FART ON! HURRAY!

So, I finally got off my ass...

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 21:11:54 GMT

and here I am... technically still on my ass... but tra-la-la-ing through your Wi-Fi. Impressed?